Confessions of
by DreamerMatrix
Summary: Rated for mild language and violence. Quasi-sequel to 'Escape'. Please RnR
1. Morpheus

Confessions of... by DreamerMatrix  
  
A/N:The 10 Commandments  
  
How To Properly Worship The Only True God  
  
First  
  
"I am The Lord your God, Who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the   
  
house of bondage. You shall have no other gods before Me."  
  
Second  
  
"You shall not make for yourself a graven image, or any likeness of anything   
  
that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the   
  
water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them or serve them; for I The   
  
Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the   
  
children to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate Me, but   
  
showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love Me and keep My   
  
Commandments."  
  
Third  
  
"You shall not take The Name of The Lord your God in vain; for The Lord will not   
  
hold him guiltless who takes His Name in vain."  
  
Fourth  
  
"Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor, and do all   
  
your work; but the seventh day is a Sabbath to The Lord your God; in it you   
  
shall not do any work, you, or your son, or your daughter, your manservant, or   
  
your maidservant, or your cattle, or the sojourner who is within your gates; for   
  
in six days The Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them,   
  
and rested the seventh day; therefore The Lord blessed the Sabbath day and   
  
hallowed it."  
  
How To Live In Peace With Humanity:  
  
Fifth  
  
"Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land which   
  
The Lord your God gives you."  
  
Sixth  
  
"You shall not kill."  
  
Seventh  
  
"You shall not commit adultery."  
  
Eighth  
  
"You shall not steal."  
  
Ninth  
  
"You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor."  
  
Tenth  
  
"You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's   
  
wife, or his manservant, or his maidservant, or his ox, or his ass, or anything   
  
that is your neighbor's."  
  
(Exodus 20:2-17 RSV)  
  
DISCLAIMER: Firstly, I don't own right to the Bible. It's not my style. Secondly, I don't own the characters of the Matrix. What follows is a parody, and is written purely to entertain others, not as a money-making serious thing. PLEASE don't sue me, it wouldn't be worth the lawyers' fees. Besides, plagiarism is the highest form of flattery.   
  
A/N 2: No offence to all you truly religious people out there. I have nothing against religion, in general, just so long as it's not aimed at me in particular. I'm an agnostic/athiest type person, and any flames on *that* subject will lead to poisonous frogs... My frogs rule!  
  
A/N 3: Thanks to Blake, who is probably the only person waiting on this fic. But hey, I'm gonna keep going. You can't stop me.   
  
maniacal laughter  
  
--------------------------------------  
  
Black screen. In green text, is the wording 'TO BE CONTINUED IN ANOTHER FANFIC'. Suddenly the lettering goes all Matrix Code-y and is repleced with 'THERE HAS BEEN A TEMPORARY SERVICE FAULT. PLEASE DO NOT ADJUST YOUR SET.' Five hours later, the screen changes to a church scene. MORPHEUS is walking towards a confession box, in the Matrix. He sits down, and the PRIEST coughs.  
  
PRIEST: God bless you, my son.  
  
MORPHEUS: Forgive me father, for I have sinned. It is a month since my last confession.  
  
PRIEST: The Lord is all-forgiving my son. How have you sinned?  
  
MORPHEUS: I have broken the first Commandment. And the second Commandment. And the fourth Commandment. And I'm going to break the tenth commandment in the next movie. Damn but that Niobe is wasted on Locke!  
  
PRIEST: You want forgiveness from a God you do not believe in?  
  
MORPHEUS: Hey, I'm not writing this. The author picked up on the religious undertones of the first movie when writing an A-Level coursework essay and decided to spoof it.  
  
PRIEST: Oh. In what ways have you broken the commandments?  
  
MORPHEUS: I have sworn my life to the service of the One, that he may protect Zion from the machines.  
  
Weird wiggy morph thing as PRIEST morphs into an unnamed AGENT, and smashes through the compartment wall  
  
MORPHEUS: Goddammit  
  
TRINITY runs in and slaps MORPHEUS  
  
TRINITY: Bitch! That's *my* line!  
  
MORPHEUS: Meep!  
  
TRINITY shoots the AGENT and misses. She runs off. The AGENT grabs MORPHEUS.  
  
AGENT: Give me the codes to Zion!  
  
MORPHEUS: Never!  
  
Agent: Give me the codes to the Zion mainframe.  
  
MORPHEUS: Never!  
  
A scanner goes off with a beep as NEO, loaded to the teeth with guns, walks in.  
  
MORPHEUS: When the hell did churches get metal detectors?  
  
AGENT: This is a church, idiot. It's holy ground. We'd better add breaking the *third* commandment to your list.  
  
NEO: Catch!  
  
NEO throws an unpinned hand grenade at the AGENT, then flies and grabs MORPHEUS just as it blows up, the explosion setting off several hundred Molotov cocktails suddenly set into the foundations of the church.  
  
NEO: Whooooooooooooo! That was a big explosion!  
  
MORPHEUS: Geek.  
  
-------------------------------------  
  
OK, part 1 done. I ran out of ideas for Morpheus. Part two will be posted when I can be bothered writing it. 


	2. Trinity

Confessions of... by DreamerMatrix  
  
A/N:The 10 Commandments  
  
How To Properly Worship The Only True God  
  
First  
  
"I am The Lord your God, Who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the   
  
house of bondage. You shall have no other gods before Me."  
  
Second  
  
"You shall not make for yourself a graven image, or any likeness of anything   
  
that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the   
  
water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them or serve them; for I The   
  
Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the   
  
children to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate Me, but   
  
showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love Me and keep My   
  
Commandments."  
  
Third  
  
"You shall not take The Name of The Lord your God in vain; for The Lord will not   
  
hold him guiltless who takes His Name in vain."  
  
Fourth  
  
"Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor, and do all   
  
your work; but the seventh day is a Sabbath to The Lord your God; in it you   
  
shall not do any work, you, or your son, or your daughter, your manservant, or   
  
your maidservant, or your cattle, or the sojourner who is within your gates; for   
  
in six days The Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them,   
  
and rested the seventh day; therefore The Lord blessed the Sabbath day and   
  
hallowed it."  
  
How To Live In Peace With Humanity:  
  
Fifth  
  
"Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land which   
  
The Lord your God gives you."  
  
Sixth  
  
"You shall not kill."  
  
Seventh  
  
"You shall not commit adultery."  
  
Eighth  
  
"You shall not steal."  
  
Ninth  
  
"You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor."  
  
Tenth  
  
"You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's   
  
wife, or his manservant, or his maidservant, or his ox, or his ass, or anything   
  
that is your neighbor's."  
  
(Exodus 20:2-17 RSV)  
  
DISCLAIMER: Firstly, I don't own rights to the Bible. It's not my style. Secondly, I don't own the characters of the Matrix. What follows is a parody, and is written purely to entertain others, not as a money-making serious thing. PLEASE don't sue me, it wouldn't be worth the lawyers' fees. Besides, plagiarism is the highest form of flattery.   
  
A/N 2: No offence to all you truly religious people out there. I have nothing against religion, in general, just so long as it's not aimed at me in particular. I'm an agnostic/athiest type person, and any flames on *that* subject will lead to poisonous frogs... My frogs rule!  
  
A/N 3: Thanks to Blake, who is probably the only person waiting on this fic. But hey, I'm gonna keep going. You can't stop me.   
  
maniacal laughter  
  
A/N 4: Yes, this *is* going at the top of every chapter more maniacal laughter  
  
A/N 5: Technically, this isn't a screenplay, the layout's wrong. But soddit.  
  
--------------------------------------  
  
Black screen. In green text, is the wording 'TO BE CONTINUED IN ANOTHER FANFIC'. Suddenly the lettering goes all Matrix Code-y and is replaced with 'THERE HAS BEEN A TEMPORARY SERVICE FAULT. PLEASE DO NOT ADJUST YOUR SET.' Ten minutes later, the letter goes all Matrix Code-y once again, and is replaced with 'OOPS, WRONG CHAPTER.' Another five minutes on, and it changes to 'CONFESSIONS OF... TRINITY'  
  
TRINITY: (VO) What does VO stand for?  
  
NEO: (VO) Voice Over  
  
TRINITY: (VO) Geek  
  
SCREEN WRITER: (VO) *A-hem*  
  
NEO: (VO) Who said anything about sewing?  
  
Smacking sound as SCREEN WRITER hits NEO upside the head.  
  
NEO: (VO) Meep!  
  
SCREEN WRITER: (VO) I'm getting back to my Bacardi Breezer. Get on with it!  
  
FADE TO   
  
Church in the Matrix. Not the church MORPHEUS was in, because that got blown up by NEO. A different church. TRINITY appears out of nowhere, scaring all the people waiting for Confession away. She moves into the Confession Booth.  
  
TRINITY: Forgive me father, for I have sinned. This is my first confession.  
  
PRIEST: It's ok my son-  
  
TRINITY: Daughter!  
  
PRIEST: For give me, it's just...  
  
TRINITY: What?  
  
PRIEST: I thought you were a guy.  
  
TRINITY: Most guys do.  
  
NEO appears out of nowhere and bitch-slaps the PRIEST  
  
NEO: My lines! Hands off!  
  
PRIEST: Meep!  
  
NEO: Oi! I warned you!  
  
PREIST: You didn't hit Morpheus when he meeped in the last chapter.  
  
TRINITY: Yeah, Neo, meeps are universal.  
  
NEO: Dammit.  
  
NEO does his superman thing.  
  
PRIEST: Where were we?... Oh yes. It's OK my daughter, God is all forgiving. How have you sinned?  
  
TRINITY: I'm a thief. And a killer. And I frequently take the Lord's name in vain. Goddammit.  
  
PRIEST: A thief, a killer and a blasphemer? Sorry lady, when you die, you're going to hell.   
  
TRINITY: But I'm Trinity! I'm the One's girlfriend. I can't die! It's in the script for Reloaded, hah! I'm revived by Neo!  
  
MORPHEUS pops his head through the church door. A security scanner bleeps as his sunglasses pass through.  
  
MORPHEUS: Read the script to Revolutions, fool  
  
TRINITY pulls out her copy of Revolutions, flicks through, then stops.  
  
TRINITY: Meep!  
  
MORPHEUS ducks back out of the church.  
  
TRINITY: For what I am about to do, may the Lord God forgive me.   
  
TRINITY pulls out a couple of guns, and runs out of the church  
  
TRINITY: (screaming) Andy and Larry Wachowski! Get your rotten asses out here  
  
The WACHOWSKIS appear. TRINITY shoots them both. NEO appears out of nowhere (again) and stops the bullet.  
  
Wachowskis: Mee...  
  
NEO: What are you doing?  
  
TRINITY: The bastards killed me off!   
  
NEO: No, that was Kid. He hacked their computer and changed the script so he wouldn't get killed off.  
  
TRINITY: OK, they were going to kill *you* off  
  
NEO: But I'll be resurrected in the next Matrix  
  
TRINITY: Hey, Mr Attention-span-of-a-goldfish, you die, but the war ends. No more Matrixes... Matrices... Matri... Aahhh goddammit.  
  
NEO turns on the WACHOWSKIS. They cower.  
  
WACHOWSKIS: *gulp*  
  
NEO: You're gonna kill me off? I'm the star of the films!  
  
WACHOWSKIS: Well, yeah.  
  
NEO lets the bullets fly off again. WACHOWSKIS die.  
  
NEO: Kill off *that*, bitches! 


	3. Neo

Confessions of... by DreamerMatrix  
  
A/N:The 10 Commandments  
  
How To Properly Worship The Only True God  
  
First  
  
"I am The Lord your God, Who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the   
  
house of bondage. You shall have no other gods before Me."  
  
Second  
  
"You shall not make for yourself a graven image, or any likeness of anything   
  
that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the   
  
water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them or serve them; for I The   
  
Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the   
  
children to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate Me, but   
  
showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love Me and keep My   
  
Commandments."  
  
Third  
  
"You shall not take The Name of The Lord your God in vain; for The Lord will not   
  
hold him guiltless who takes His Name in vain."  
  
Fourth  
  
"Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor, and do all   
  
your work; but the seventh day is a Sabbath to The Lord your God; in it you   
  
shall not do any work, you, or your son, or your daughter, your manservant, or   
  
your maidservant, or your cattle, or the sojourner who is within your gates; for   
  
in six days The Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them,   
  
and rested the seventh day; therefore The Lord blessed the Sabbath day and   
  
hallowed it."  
  
How To Live In Peace With Humanity:  
  
Fifth  
  
"Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land which   
  
The Lord your God gives you."  
  
Sixth  
  
"You shall not kill."  
  
Seventh  
  
"You shall not commit adultery."  
  
Eighth  
  
"You shall not steal."  
  
Ninth  
  
"You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor."  
  
Tenth  
  
"You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's   
  
wife, or his manservant, or his maidservant, or his ox, or his ass, or anything   
  
that is your neighbor's."  
  
(Exodus 20:2-17 RSV)  
  
DISCLAIMER: Firstly, I don't own rights to the Bible. It's not my style. Secondly, I don't own the characters of the Matrix. What follows is a parody, and is written purely to entertain others, not as a money-making serious thing. PLEASE don't sue me, it wouldn't be worth the lawyers' fees. Besides, plagiarism is the highest form of flattery.   
  
A/N 2: No offence to all you truly religious people out there. I have nothing against religion, in general, just so long as it's not aimed at me in particular. I'm an agnostic/athiest type person, and any flames on *that* subject will lead to poisonous frogs... My frogs rule!  
  
A/N 3: Thanks to Blake, who is probably the only person waiting on this fic. But hey, I'm gonna keep going. You can't stop me.   
  
maniacal laughter  
  
--------------------------------------  
  
Black screen. In green text, is the wording 'TO BE CONTINUED IN ANOTHER FANFIC'. Suddenly the lettering goes all Matrix Code-y and is replaced with 'THERE HAS BEEN A TEMPORARY SERVICE FAULT. PLEASE DO NOT ADJUST YOUR SET.' Ten minutes later, the letter goes all Matrix Code-y once again, and is replaced with 'CONFESSIONS OF... NEO'. Then it goes code-y again, and is replaced with "YES! HAH, THIRD TIME LUCKY, SUCKERS! FOLLOW THE WHITE RABBIT! KNOCK KNOCK! *beep beep beep* Screen explodes outwards, to be replaced with yet another church. NEO walks into the church. The PRIEST runs off screaming. NEO's lip starts to tremble.  
  
NEO: I need to cofess! I'm going to DIE in the third movie!  
  
NEO FANGIRL: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! That's *IMPOSSIBLE*  
  
NEO: Not impossible. Inevitable.  
  
(A) SMITH walks in, and replicates the FANGIRL. NEO breathes sigh of relief. SMITH removes his (it's?) sunglasses, and glares at NEO. NEO sticks his tongue out at SMITH.  
  
SMITH: Aren't you afraid?  
  
NEO: Nope.  
  
SMITH intensifies his glare. The air in his sight line starts to frazzle. NEO puts on his sunglasses, and gives SMITH the finger.  
  
NEO: Didn't read the script, didya Shades?  
  
SMITH: No. I lent it to Morpheus when I was torturing him in the last movie. I think *he* lent it to Zee  
  
NEO: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Well, screw you anyway. You can't kill me, because a) this is a fanfic, and b) the third movie hasn't happened yet. So nyah nyah na nyah nyah to you. Now bugger off and let me confess in piece. And take Fangirl Smith with you.  
  
SMITH and FANGIRL SMITH walk out. A PRIEST moves into the confessions booth. NEO follows.  
  
NEO: Forgive me, father for I have sinned. This is my first confession.  
  
PRIEST: I thought you didn't believe in God?  
  
NEO: I don't  
  
PRIEST: So why bother confessing?  
  
NEO: I'm going to *DIE*, goddammit... Aww Christ, you made me break the third commandment, I didn't have that one before. Aww man, I'm gonna burn!  
  
MORPHEUS: (popping head through door) Yeeeeeeeeeessss!  
  
NEO: You get bent! I can kick your cryptic ass!  
  
MORPHEUS runs off. NEO smirks.  
  
PRIEST: OooooooooooKaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay...  
  
NEO: Yeah... so... I don't believe in God, I take the Lord's name in vain, I frequently kill sleepers, and I stole a mobile phone in the first movie.  
  
ANNOYED READER: (VO) What the *HELL* is a sleeper?  
  
NEO: A pod-person... still plugged in to the Power Plant... hey, I can pronounce capitals! COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!  
  
PRIEST: My son, you need to get a life.  
  
NEO: I'm gonna *DIE*, no need to rub it in further  
  
PRIEST: Jeez-us, take a chill pill  
  
NEO: Hehe, you just broke the third commandment! Hehe... these chill pills, what colour are they?  
  
PRIEST: Red  
  
NEO: Screw that.  
  
PRIEST: DON'T TEMPT ME, SON OF SATAN!  
  
NEO: (sweatdrops) riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight...  
  
NEO slowly backs away from the PRIEST, then turns and runs outside, pulling his cell phone out.  
  
LINK: (over phone) Operator  
  
NEO: Who the *HELL* are you?  
  
LINK: (over phone) I'm the operator of the Nebuchadnezzar  
  
NEO: Since when?  
  
LINK: (over phone) I don't know. But Zion said to tell you that a new type of Agent is masquerading as priests. They call themselves the Anti-Satanists.  
  
NEO: Right... Met them... they suck...  
  
--------------------------------------  
  
Rather like this ending.... 


	4. Spoon Kid

Confessions of... by DreamerMatrix  
  
A/N:The 10 Commandments  
  
How To Properly Worship The Only True God  
  
First  
  
"I am The Lord your God, Who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the   
  
house of bondage. You shall have no other gods before Me."  
  
Second  
  
"You shall not make for yourself a graven image, or any likeness of anything   
  
that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the   
  
water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them or serve them; for I The   
  
Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the   
  
children to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate Me, but   
  
showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love Me and keep My   
  
Commandments."  
  
Third  
  
"You shall not take The Name of The Lord your God in vain; for The Lord will not   
  
hold him guiltless who takes His Name in vain."  
  
Fourth  
  
"Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor, and do all   
  
your work; but the seventh day is a Sabbath to The Lord your God; in it you   
  
shall not do any work, you, or your son, or your daughter, your manservant, or   
  
your maidservant, or your cattle, or the sojourner who is within your gates; for   
  
in six days The Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them,   
  
and rested the seventh day; therefore The Lord blessed the Sabbath day and   
  
hallowed it."  
  
How To Live In Peace With Humanity:  
  
Fifth  
  
"Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land which   
  
The Lord your God gives you."  
  
Sixth  
  
"You shall not kill."  
  
Seventh  
  
"You shall not commit adultery."  
  
Eighth  
  
"You shall not steal."  
  
Ninth  
  
"You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor."  
  
Tenth  
  
"You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's   
  
wife, or his manservant, or his maidservant, or his ox, or his ass, or anything   
  
that is your neighbor's."  
  
(Exodus 20:2-17 RSV)  
  
DISCLAIMER: Firstly, I don't own rights to the Bible. It's not my style. Secondly, I don't own the characters of the Matrix. What follows is a parody, and is written purely to entertain others, not as a money-making serious thing. PLEASE don't sue me, it wouldn't be worth the lawyers' fees. Besides, plagiarism is the highest form of flattery.   
  
A/N 2: No offence to all you truly religious people out there. I have nothing against religion, in general, just so long as it's not aimed at me in particular. I'm an agnostic/athiest type person, and any flames on *that* subject will lead to poisonous frogs... My frogs rule!  
  
A/N 3: Thanks to Blake, who is probably the only person waiting on this fic. But hey, I'm gonna keep going. You can't stop me.   
  
maniacal laughter  
  
--------------------------------------  
  
Black screen. In green text, is the wording 'THERE HAS BEEN A TEMPORARY SERVICE FAULT. PLEASE DO NOT ADJUST YOUR SET.' Ten minutes later, the letter goes all Matrix Code-y once again, and is replaced with 'CONFESSIONS OF... SPOON KID'.   
  
CUT to:  
  
A church. Could feasibly be the one in the last chapter, since it wasn't blown up. SPOON KID is stood outside, dressed in normal clothes, instead of his robes. TRINITY and NEO are trying to get him to go to Confession.  
  
SPOON KID: Why do I have to go to Confession? I'm a Buddhist.  
  
TRINITY: Hey, me and Neo had to go, so do you!  
  
SPOON KID: (getting desperate) There is no church!  
  
NEO: Spoon kid, if there is no church, then there is no confession, so you just go talk to the nice priest about Hell and stuff.  
  
SPOON KID: There is no...  
  
TRINITY: GET INSIDE, KID!  
  
SPOON KID runs inside and cowers in the Confessions box. A PRIEST enters.  
  
PRIEST: Hello? Anyone there?  
  
SPOON KID: There is no here.  
  
PRIEST: What are you, a nihilist?  
  
SPOON KID: I'm twelve years old, don't use long words!  
  
PRIEST: Sorry.  
  
SPOON KID: Forgive me Roman-Catholic-priest-person-who-does-not-exist, for I have sinned. This is my first, and hopefully last, confession. I don't believe in Catholicism, so the Ten Commandments are a moot point. Not that I've broken any of them, other than the first. And possibly the second, 'cos I'm a practising Buddhist.  
  
PRIEST: Why are you in church if you're a Buddhist?  
  
SPOON KID: I'm not. There is no church.  
  
PRIEST: Zen Buddhist, are you?  
  
SPOON KID: No. I'm just aware that while I am a person, *you* are nothing more than a battery powering Artificial Intelligence, which makes you *think* all this is real.  
  
NEO pops his head round the door, setting off the security scanner with his sunglasses.  
  
NEO: Spoon Kid, are you giving the Priest Morpheus' spiel again?  
  
SPOON KID: He called me a Zen Buddhist. He asked for it.  
  
NEO: Well, don't. You can show him your spoon trick if you want, to prove it, but the battery spiel is Morpheus' territory.  
  
SPOON KID looks at his feet and scuffs his shoe guiltily.  
  
SPOON KID: Yes sir.  
  
NEO: Good.  
  
NEO'S head disappears again  
  
PRIEST: (curiously) What spoon trick?  
  
SPOON KID: I have to be able to see you to show you.  
  
SPOON KID and PRIEST move out into the church. SPOON KID pulls a spoon from his back pocket, and does his bending spoon trick. Then he hands the spoon, normal again, to the PRIEST.  
  
SPOON KID: Do not try to bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead, try only to see the truth.  
  
PRIEST: What truth?  
  
NEO pops his head through the door again, setting off the scanner with his sunglasses again.  
  
NEO: OI! MY LINE!  
  
PRIEST: Sorry.  
  
SPOON KID glares at NEO. NEO retreats.  
  
SPOON KID: (continuing *his* spiel) There is no spoon.  
  
PRIEST: There is no spoon?  
  
SPOON KID: Yeeeeeeeeeeeees  
  
NEO pops his head through the door again, but doesn't set off the scanner, 'cos he's taken his sunglasses off.  
  
NEO: OI! Morpheus' line!  
  
SPOON KID: My bad.  
  
NEO retreats again. SPOON KID looks at the PRIEST  
  
SPOON KID: Sorry, where were we?  
  
PRIEST: There is no spoon?!  
  
SPOON KID: Right. Then you will see, it is not the spoon that bends, but yourself.  
  
PRIEST: Riiiiiiiiiiiiight... You sure you're not a Zen Buddhist?  
  
TRINITY and NEO run into the church, setting the scanners off, followed by three AGENTS  
  
TRINITY: Agents!  
  
SPOON KID: CHARGE!  
  
SPOON KID and NEO, both having Matrix changing abilities, run at the AGENTS.  
  
AGENTS: RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!  
  
KING ARTHUR OF CAMELOT: OI! My lines!  
  
NEO: Yeah, erm, sorry, erm...  
  
TRINITY: The Author would like it to be known that they do not own any part of 'MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL' other than a copy of the DVD, and would also like to refer any owners of said movie to the disclaimer at the top of the page.   
  
KING ARTHUR OF CAMELOT disappears. NEO'S phone rings.  
  
NEO: Hell, the One true Saviour speaking. Uh-huh... Yeah... yup... got it.  
  
NEO ends the call, and looks at TRINITY and SPOON KID  
  
TRINITY: What?  
  
NEO: Morpheus wants a triple espresso, Link wants a chocolate do-nut, and we have a proximity warning on 50 squiddies.  
  
NEO and TRINITY run out of the church. SPOON KID grabs his spoon off the PRIEST, and runs after them.  
  
--------------------------------------  
  
ermmm... yeah... 


	5. The Twins

A/N:The 10 Commandments  
  
How To Properly Worship The Only True God  
  
First  
  
"I am The Lord your God, Who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. You shall have no other gods before Me."  
  
Second  
  
"You shall not make for yourself a graven image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them or serve them; for I The Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the Children to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate Me, but showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love Me and keep My Commandments."  
  
Third  
  
"You shall not take The Name of The Lord your God in vain; for The Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes His Name in vain."  
  
Fourth  
  
"Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor, and do all your work; but the seventh day is a Sabbath to The Lord your God; in it you shall not do any work, you, or your son, or your daughter, your manservant, or your maidservant, or your cattle, or the sojourner who is within your gates; for in six days The Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested the seventh day; therefore The Lord blessed the Sabbath day and hallowed it."  
  
How To Live In Peace With Humanity:  
  
Fifth  
  
"Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land which The Lord your God gives you."  
  
Sixth  
  
"You shall not kill."  
  
Seventh  
  
"You shall not commit adultery."  
  
Eighth  
  
"You shall not steal."  
  
Ninth  
  
"You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor."  
  
Tenth  
  
"You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's  
  
wife, or his manservant, or his maidservant, or his ox, or his ass, or anything  
  
that is your neighbor's."  
  
(Exodus 20:2-17 RSV)  
  
DISCLAIMER: Firstly, I don't own right to the Bible. It's not my style. Secondly, I don't own the characters of the Matrix. What follows is a parody, and is written purely to entertain others, not as a money-making serious thing. PLEASE don't sue me, it wouldn't be worth the lawyers' fees. Besides, plagiarism is the highest form of flattery.  
  
A/N 2: No offence to all you truly religious people out there. I have nothing against religion, in general, just so long as it's not aimed at me in particular. I'm an agnostic/athiest type person, and any flames on that subject will lead to poisonous frogs... My frogs rule!  
  
A/N 3: Well, Wetfish, you asked for it...  
  
--------------------------------------  
  
Black screen. In green text, is the wording 'TO BE CONTINUED IN ANOTHER FANFIC'. Suddenly the lettering goes all Matrix Code-y and is replaced with 'THERE HAS BEEN A TEMPORARY SERVICE FAULT. PLEASE DO NOT ADJUST YOUR SET.' Some time later, the screen changes to a church scene. The church is empty, until- no, because- two people just walked in. Through the wall.  
  
TWIN 1: Surely that would mean the church isn't empty?  
  
TWIN 2: Indeed. We are vexed.  
  
TWIN 1: We are. Why do we need to confess?  
  
TWIN 2: We are sentient programs, not pitiful humans.  
  
AUTHOR: (VO) So I'm pandering to the audience. So sue me.  
  
TWIN 2: Sue you?  
  
AUTHOR: (VO, as PRIEST walks in) Never mind...  
  
The TWINS go into the confessions booth together.  
  
TWIN 1: Forgive us father-  
  
TWIN 2: -For we have sinned.  
  
PRIEST turns into a gibbering wreck, recognising the voices from somewhere.  
  
TWIN 1: Oh, brother...  
  
TWIN 2: What? We didn't do anything!  
  
PRIEST: So why confess then?  
  
TWIN 1: We meant we didn't do anything to you.  
  
TWIN 2: Yet.  
  
PREIST: Very well, start over.  
  
TWIN 2: Forgive us father-  
  
TWIN 1: For we have sinned...  
  
TWINS 1&2: This is out first, last, and only confession.  
  
PRIEST: The good Lord is all forgiving, my son...s... In what ways have you sinned?  
  
TWIN 1 pulls a list of the Ten Commandments from the pocket of his white leather jacket.  
  
TWINS 1&2: The fourth and the sixth? We think that's right. Working on the Sabbath and killing people.  
  
The MEROVINGIAN walks into the church.  
  
MEROVINGIAN: (in dodgy French accent) Vere are my twinz? Zut alors, I turn my back vor five seconds, et zey are disappearing from sight!  
  
The TWINS look at each other, and fade through the back of the church. Where they bump into PERSEPHONE... 


End file.
